The Journey Back to Me

I am learning about me. I am taking time to be present and to properly identify my flaws and my strengths. Learning to listen to my gut or my intuition. I don’t recognise the person I was a year ago, or 5 years ago. I don’t identify as that person any more and I don’t know if I connect with people on the same level as I used to. I often walk away from interactions either overflowing with love and inspiration or, totally dissatisfied. There doesn’t seem to be an in between anymore. I have a thirst for more, for deeper connections with myself and others. I am now able to connect on a very deep level with people who I didn't know yesterday, I can recognise that they were brought to me for a reason on a particular day or time and I walk away feeling that conversations with these people have healed a part of me.

I have learned that there is a lot of me that needs to heal. I have been broken and I am now working so hard to rebuild. I can now see the cracks in others that weren’t present before as they are similar to the cracks that I too now own.

crackswithinme

I have been rebuilding me for some time now but after I was broken, there was no foundations on which to build so everything has started from scratch. My journey has started within, beginning with the raw process of identifying the trauma, acknowledging it and then releasing it.

This has all come at a time when I am building my career from the ground up too. My previous career in my previous life is no longer something that I can even contemplate. So I am doing me, the new me, and learning about it all step by step.

I never thought that I had a creative bone in my body. Now I am almost finished my course in photography and photo imaging, I go to art galleries (and enjoy it!) and I find solace in writing. Whenever I have a spare moment to myself, I am taking photographs or writing. I have written children’s books and I love what I have written (any publishers out there want to check out my work?!). I have learned on my journey that these creative endeavours are what is fuelling me, helping me to grow and to bring back my smile after it felt like it was torn away from me.

Learning that the only thing that I can control is myself, my own reactions. Learning that there is nothing that can be done about the past or the future, the only thing that can be worked on is the now. So this is where I can be found. Healing myself, watching the clouds float, the trees sway, the fire flickering and the waves roll. Building the newer version of me.